


We Love You More Than You Know

by soupelie



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Family Dynamics, Gen, Good Older Sibling Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Good Uncle Technoblade, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Jealous TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Married Beeduo, Older Siblings Wilbur Soot and Technoblade, Platonic Relationships, Prison, Protective Sam | Awesamdude, Ram Hybrid Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo & TommyInnit Friendship (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Parental Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Sam | Awesamdude is Sam Nook, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Suicidal Thoughts, TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit is Not Okay (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit-centric (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 12:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30055323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soupelie/pseuds/soupelie
Summary: "He knew that the real fault for his issues were his own decisions.After-all, he was a fucked up kid.Ha!A kid.He certainly didn’t still feel like one.He guessed that was what happened when you lost your entire family, your friends, and everything else you ever cared for.Oh yeah, and also when you had gone to hell and back.Literally.---------------Tommy gets out of the prison but isn't doing well. His family and friend try to help.Basically, there's a therapy arc. (Thank God)
Relationships: Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit, Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 215





	We Love You More Than You Know

**Author's Note:**

> Hey this is my first time writing!  
> Hope you enjoy, and let me know if you find any errors lol.
> 
> Title from Kill Your Heroes by AWOLNATION

Common sense would say that a person's heart can only shatter once, but that doesn't explain why Tommy had felt like this so many times before. He desperately wished to be able to pin his problems on Dream, just to give himself a break for one blissful moment. But no. He knew that the real fault for his issues were his own decisions. After-all, he was a fucked up kid.

Ha! A kid. He certainly didn’t still feel like one. He guessed that was what happened when you lost your entire family, your friends, and everything else you ever cared for. Oh yeah, and also when you had gone to hell and back. Literally. 

No one could tell Tommy that where he went was anything but hell. Not because he was with the so-called villains, but because he didn't deserve anything better. He was incredibly aware that he brought destruction and misery to those around him. Everyone he loved hated him. Hell, even his own father wanted nothing to do with him. Not that Tommy particularly blamed him. No, the only person Tommy blamed was himself.

He wasn’t sure why he did the stupid things he did. The adrenaline always kicked in and made it seem like the best idea in the world. The voices didn’t help either, but he couldn’t get mad at them. Not after they kept him sane during his darkest moments. Well some of them did; the ones chanting “do a flip” really did not help his mental state. But he understood why they’d want him to finish the job. 

He still considered it from time to time, but after he knew what awaited him in death, his dread pushed the thoughts away. For now, Tommy was just going to focus on staying alive. He was finding it considerably harder than he used to, mainly because he used to have something to fight for. He had nothing now. 

When Sam had finally let him out of the prison everything was the same as it was after the exile. Jack still hated him, Tubbo still mistrusted him, his family still ignored him, and no one still cared about him. Everything was the same. But now Tommy could finally see the truth. No one loved him, and he was okay with that. If he didn’t love himself, why would anyone else? 

His trainers dragged across the wooden path he had made in a happier time. One where he was still himself. The Prime Path did little to cheer him up. If anything it weighed down on his soul. Although that was assuming he had one left.

He kept going. That was all he could do at this point. He didn’t have anything left to fight for except fear. The hazy tears in his eyes blurred his vision too much for him to see the statues littered throughout the server. He wasn’t even sure why he was crying. Usually, everything was numb. Clearly, he was still weak. He let out a shaky curse. If he was going to survive from now on he had to get stronger; had to shut everything out. But he was too tired for that now.

Tommy turned off of the shabby road in search of his dirt house, needing somewhere to sleep for the first time in months. But, upon seeing the flowers laid before it, a creeping nauseous sensation began to rise in his stomach. He immediately backed away and ran, not entirely sure why. For some reason, the thought of sleeping there hurt to think about. Trying not to completely break down, he focused on his steps. Tommy didn’t exactly have any idea where he was going, but at least it was away from feeling like that. 

He realised about two minutes later that he was approaching a familiar construction site. Opening the gates, nausea faded away as he realised there was still someone left. He desperately looked for a sign of the only comfort he could depend on. There. Under the awning of the Big Innit Hotel stood Sam Nook. A warmth started to grow in Tommy’s chest as he sprinted towards the man. He wasted no time diving into the builder’s arms and clung to his chest, refusing to move. 

Once he felt the weight of warm limbs pull him closer, he began to sob freely. He felt a hand rubbing his back, and instead of breaking, he felt a little bit of himself piece together again. Someone cared. He knew at that moment that he would do anything for his protector. As long as Sam Nook was alive, Tommy had a purpose. This newfound direction provided Tommy with more hope than he had felt in months. He had a goal, and he was determined to see it through. Perhaps this would be the one thing he wouldn’t fuck up.

His revelation was cut short by the familiar chatter from Nook. Tommy reluctantly withdrew from his arms but was grateful when a hand stayed clasped on his shoulder. It gave him a sense of stability that he most definitely needed. He pulled out his communicator to read what the man had to say. It was hard to read due to his blurry eyes from fatigue, but he managed.

‘TommyInnit, it is most delightful to see you back at the hotel! Sam will be happy to hear about this,'. Tommy huffed fondly but narrowed his eyes when he realised what Nook had told him.

“Yeah I’m sure Sam would be /really/ happy to see me,” he snarled, hoping the sarcasm got through to the other man. He then quickly realised that he was taking out his anger on the one he’d sworn to live for. His harsh exterior softened and he muttered out a quiet ‘sorry’. God, he was so tired.

‘I am sure Sam deeply regrets your absence from the server,’ the chatter interrupted Tommy’s apologetic ramblings. There was a pause while Tommy thought of a response. Thankfully he didn’t have to come up with one just yet.

‘Would you wish to stay in your suite tonight TommyInnit?’. Tommy thought over his options. He could stay at the hotel and perhaps get a night of rest with someone looking over him, or he could go and feel those awful feelings again. Yeah, there was a clear choice here.

“I would like that actually. Thanks Big Man,”. He managed to give a small smile before his legs completely gave out. Tommy barely registered what was happening as his frighteningly thin frame was scooped up before he hit the ground. The warmth of Sam Nook’s body was enough to send him straight to sleep as the older man began his ascent into the boy’s hotel. 

‘Get some rest TommyInnit. I will watch over you.’

\-------------------------------------

Something Tommy had found out during his time in the afterlife was that he could no longer dream. At first, he thought this would be a blessing, but as the weeks stretched into months he could barely stand not having some kind of escape from the dullness of the Void. He had started to wish for something, be it good or bad, to save him from the insanity of his brother and the glaring white of the walls. He’d thought that any nightmares he could possibly have would be better than slowly rotting away inside his own mind.

Now that he was alive again, he was very quickly rethinking his conclusion. What had started as a peaceful night with Sam Nook standing guard, had devolved into him tossing and turning, along with intermittently shooting up with a horrible scream. He knew he could dream again, and was at the very least thankful he didn’t remember much of what his imagination tormented him with. Flashes of pooling warm liquid, the feeling of falling, and images of dark, threatening wings were all that he could recall. 

His only solace for the nightmares was seeing Nook still standing guard next to his bed, glancing over every time he sensed Tommy stirring. Each time Tommy sat up, the man would be right over to calm him down before drowsiness overtook him once again. 

Right before sunrise, Tommy woke up for good. He had finally found peace during the night and had slept uninterrupted for a good two hours. Contrary to what one would think, he felt better than he had in a while. Almost like himself again. He wiped the sleep from his eyes, ready to thank his friend for being there for him during his troubled time. As he glanced up he realised that he was no longer alone with the older man. 

When Ranboo turned around Tommy did not jump. TommyInnit does not get surprised, no matter what the tall fuck might have said against him. The half enderman gave him a lopsided smile, clearly preparing for a verbal berating. Obviously, Tommy could not disappoint his fans. 

“You can’t just scare a man that just came back from the dead! What if I had died again? That would’ve been on your consciousness,” Tommy would never blame Ranboo for his death, not when he had hurt him so many times, but it wasn’t like he needed to know that. 

“Hi Tommy,” Ranboo said quietly. His calm tone slightly unsettled the younger, but he couldn’t show it. He was supposed to be a strong man, he couldn’t get worried by Ranboo of all people. Tommy looked around, hoping to see anyone else other than the stupidly tall boy.

Oh. 

Tommy was definitely not expecting to see Tubbo standing next to Nook. He felt his eyes begin to water and immediately looked away. He hadn’t thought that Tubbo would want to see him again, considering he was the one who dragged him through all this shit. 

‘Pull yourself together Tommy,’ he thought to himself. ‘He's probably not even here because he wants to see you. Just to finish you off most likely,’. Tommy began to panic. He hadn’t even considered the possibility that Tubbo would want to kill him, but now that he had it seemed plausible. Wouldn’t he want to get revenge on the person that caused all of the conflicts on the server? Tommy would get revenge on himself if he could, but that thought didn’t stop his eyes from widening in panic. He shot straight out of bed and scrambled as far away from his friend as he could. Once his back hit the corner of the room he began to slide down, suddenly bone-achingly tired all over again. 

He probably looked pathetic, cowering against the wall like a pussy. Maybe he was a pussy. He didn’t want to die again. Does that make someone a pussy? Tommy thought it did. 

‘This is how I’m supposed to die. Not as a hero, but as a coward. Killed by my own Tubbo. God knows I deserve it.'

Tommy curled into a ball, not able to see the looks of concern that flashed over the husbands’ faces. All Tommy wanted was forgiveness. Forgiveness from his best friend. And if death was what it took, then he would die. Maybe not completely willingly, but if Tubbo decided that was what was going to happen, then Tommy would go down without a fight. 

He decided it would at least be worth it to plead for his life first. He didn’t want to guilt-trip Tubbo into not killing him for his own benefit, but he was just so scared of going back to that place that he lost all rational thought. His pained whines and pleads of forgiveness shocked the others in the room.

Tubbo slowly approached the boy, trying not to spook him any more than he had already done. He reached his hand out to try and console his friend, but that seemed to make it worse. Tommy’s breathing constricted and he knew that this was the end. Unable to inhale any more air, he saw the edges of his vision prickling with black spots. With the last of his strength, he whispered, “I am so, so sorry Tubbo,”. 

And then TommyInnit ceased to exist once again.


End file.
